I have a philosophy that I share with all of my couples, regardless of the planning stage they’re in: Do you.
Right now, you’re probably overwhelmed by the amount of information being thrown at you. You may have seen wedding blogs, magazines, or social media posts saying “do this” or “don’t do that.” But the truth is, you can make (or break!) whatever rules you want.
With that in mind, let’s talk about one of the most important pieces of your wedding – the wedding party!
Wait, there are wedding party roles?
Yes, but no need to get stressed. Giving out wedding party roles will actually help you! These are the people who will be at your side for the whole shebang, and who you choose to fill that role may determine how your planning experience goes, so let’s make sure you have all the information you need to make that decision!
When should you pick your wedding party?
Regardless of how long your engagement will be, you should start thinking about asking your wedding party as early as possible, so you have people you trust by your side while you plan. Having a date and location picked out is always a plus, so you don’t run into people not being able to make it, but it’s not necessary!
Who to Include in the Wedding Party
Whoever you want. Read that again.
I’m not going to pretend there aren’t a lot of factors that determine who’s in your wedding party. Friends and family likely have expectations and opinions about who should and should not be included. But remember that your opinion matters the most. And you and your partner deserve to have the people you truly want by your side on wedding day.
How much should you spend on wedding party gifts?
Asking your wedding party has turned into an all-out extravaganza lately. And while spoiling your wedding party with gifts is fine if you’d like to do that, it’s not at all necessary.
Like wedding planning in general, it’s important to choose your budget early and stick to it. What matters most is showing your people how much they mean to you, and sometimes giving gifts isn’t the best way to do that. Taking them out for dinner or writing a heartfelt letter are great ways to show your wedding party you love them.
Wedding Party Roles
Again, there are no rules when it comes to your wedding party, but if you’re looking for guidance, here are the traditional roles for each member of the wedding party.
Your right-hand people
These are the people who are your main support system as you plan and on your wedding day. Typically, a couple will choose one person for each side. It may be a close family member, best friend, or another significant person in your life.
This is the role in the wedding party that has the most responsibility. They may be responsible for communicating with the rest of the wedding party, helping you plan wedding events like a shower, beach party, or post-wedding brunch. Choose someone who you know will show up for you when you need it!
Gender-neutral titles you may want to use:
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Person of honor
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Best person
Your wedding party
The other members of your wedding party attend all events, and may even help you with parts of planning. These are the people you will spend most of your time with on your wedding day.
Gender-neutral titles you may want to use:
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Wedding party member
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Attendant
Supporting wedding party roles
Other wedding party members may include parents and ceremony participants like readers or junior attendants. These people are generally not as involved with planning but will be present for your rehearsal and on your wedding day.
Gender-neutral titles you may want to use:
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Parent(s) of the bride(s)/groom(s)/couple, Parent(s) of [your name]
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Readers, ceremony participants
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Flower child, ring bearer, junior attendant
Other questions you may have about your wedding party
Now that we’ve got the basics down, let’s talk about some other questions you might have.
Do You Need a Wedding Party?
Nope! A wedding party is 100% optional. If you’re eloping or you don’t have a bunch of people you trust to take on the role, you may want to skip the wedding party or have a small wedding party.
How big is the average wedding party?
The Knot’s Real Weddings Study for 2021 says that the average wedding party has 4 people per side, or 8 people total. Depending on how big your wedding is, this may be way too much! Zola has a great resource about how to choose how many people will be in your wedding party if you need more guidance.
What should your wedding party wear?
Whatever you’d like them to wear! What’s most important is you’re happy and your wedding party feels comfortable. Talk to them about what they might want to wear and make a final decision together. Equally Wed has fantastic ideas for all styles of wedding attire.
Can you have an uneven wedding party?
What if you don’t have as many wedding party members as your partner? It’s totally okay to have an uneven wedding party! It’s more important that you pick the people who matter to you most, not that both sides are even. If you’re worried about aesthetics, check out this blog I wrote about having an uneven wedding party.
How to choose your wedding party order
Traditionally, the people of honor are directly next to the couple, followed by the rest of the wedding party. Some couples choose to put siblings or cousins closer to them, with friends farther away, but order really doesn’t matter. Make sure your wedding party knows that the order is for function, not a ranking of who is most important to you!
Talking to family & friends about your nontraditional wedding party
If you’re having a nontraditional wedding party, it may be difficult to talk to family and friends about your choices. Here are a few things you can do to help make those conversations easier.
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Encourage friends and family to learn and use the correct language for each of your wedding party members. This may include pronouns, their formal titles, and their names.
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Gently correct friends and family if they misuse language or mislabel your wedding party members. For example, if someone refers to your person of honor as your “maid of honor” or “best man,” kindly remind them that they are your person of honor.
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Add wedding party bios to your wedding website so guests can get familiar with your wedding party before the wedding!
On your wedding day, nothing is more important than celebrating the love you have for your partner with the most important people in your life by your side. Don’t stress about traditions or rules – it’s your wedding! Do it your way.
Looking for other planning resources? Check out my blog for more information like this. Here are a few links to get you started!
How to Have the Perfect First Kiss Photo
Where, When, and How to Plan Your Virginia Elopement
What Wedding Detail Photos Are and Why They’re Important
And if you’re ready to pick your vendors, you can head to my website to learn more about me. I’d love to chat about photographing your wedding!
